It’s been one of those times. One of those seasons where I wrestle. Wrestle with my schedule. Wrestle with myself. Wrestle with God. I know He’s there. I can feel it. But sometimes I wonder why He doesn’t write out in big puffy clouds every step He wants me to take on this journey. For certainly if I could see it written out it in the sky it would be easy. Right? I begin to fear that since there’s no booming audible direction that I’m failing. That I am certainly not in His will.
How could I be if I don’t even know where I’m headed? And then, in the middle of my self loathing, what am I doing pity party, I hear. “I’m in the whisper.” What? The whisper?
11 The LORD said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by.”
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 1 Kings 19:11-13
A whisper. A gentlemen’s dialect. The way a Father speaks to His daughter. It’s a language I very much need to learn to pay attention to. I’m just so used to rules. So used to being given lists and following directions as I’m told. But a whisper? That’s a much more difficult voice to hear. I just keep hearing Him say softly. Go here. Move this way. Take this step. But it’s so quiet that I let fear creep in and keep me stagnant. It just feels so big. So daunting. So impossible.
And it scares me.
What if I miss it? What if I take a step and it’s not the right one? What if I’m wrong? What if?
“Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” ” Isaiah 30:21
Walk. There it is again. Just walk. Even if I can only bear one step. Take it.
I need to have faith in the whisper. I need to rest and know that the One who called will see me through.
All I have to do is take the first step.