I have been a full time photographer/ mom/ wife for the past 5 years. At first I refrained from calling myself a full time photographer because I did have so many other things tugging at me for my time. However when it came down to it, I calculated out just how much time was going into my photography business, I quickly realized. Yes. I do run a Full Time photography business. The catch is… when normal people have a 9-5/40 hour workweek to fulfill their full time work duties… I probably have around 15. And most likely it looks like this… an hour during naptime… 3 hours after the kids go to sleep and before I go to sleep….. 30 minutes while hubby is in the shower and so on…. 15 hours yes. But all jumbled up in the middle of what I call the working from home nightmare.
It took a few years. But soon I realized that I was not cut out for this chaotic lifestyle. I was miserable. My kids became extra needy and my husband was resenting the time I spent on my business. It was not working. The stress in our household made me resent my camera as well. I hated my computer, stopped answering client calls and went into shut down mode. I began to miss my pre-business owner life. The one where I had coffee with friends. Went on dates with my husband. And actually had time for myself. I had hit the bottom. And I wanted out.
During this time the Lord began to show me that my camera was just an instrument. It was just a door that would open up my life to a deeper calling. If I would just surrender. It wasn’t really photography that I had began to hate. It was the fact that it was overtaking my life. Things HAD to change. I decided to start over from scratch. This time, the Lord was going to build it all. I had to let go of everything to actually find who I was supposed to be. Over the next few months He highlighted my specialties. He helped me build my brand and HE aligned my schedule and helped me prioritize.
It’s been almost a year now and I sit here looking back almost baffled at all the Lord has done. My business has been restored to something I love, thrive at and it actually blesses our family. My children are happier and more fulfilled knowing that they are a priority over my business. My friendships have been challenged but risen above it in the end. I have found out who my real friends are and who will fall when things get tough… And I’m okay with that. The road ahead will need committed friendships and I feel blessed knowing who those are now.
The most amazing part however is that Isaac and I are at a completely different place.. The stress, anxiety and frustration that used to fill our home has been replaced with praises to our King, contagious laughter and doe eyed flirting. It is unbelievable, and slightly sickening if you’ve spend much time around us! LOL! Our marriage has never been more full of life, and love and fire. I just feel like a lovesick bride again and it’s been amazing.
And that’s what happens… That is what can happen when we take our crumbled up messy life and surrender it to Him. He can make the broken pieces into an amazing new person. An amazing new life, and He did that for me.
And I know that His heart is crying out for the chance to do it for you. All you have to do is ask.
And if you need support along the way, I’m always here….
About a year ago we started a community called Pursuit 31 to connect with other women who are sharing this chaotic path. It’s a place to share, dream big, ask for help, encourage others and just be you… freely and loved. Here is a little video we put together to help show the heart of what P31 is all about… ENJOY!